How does it all fit?

I don't have a set religious/spiritual view of the world. I know that Christianity, as it is currently put forth, isn't what I believe. As Einstein said, "I cannot conceive of a God who rewards and punishes his creatures, or has a will of the kind that we experience in ourselves." He also said, "I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty." This, in a nutshell, is why I have a problem with Christianity today.
I have always said that if Christianity consisted of Jesus, C.S. Lewis, and myself, I would totally be Christian. And I have decided that Anne Lamott could be part of our Chrstian clique, and I'm quite sure neither JC or CS would object.
But on to the point of this blog: I believe that the universe tests me. I haven't yet figured out how this fits into my overall belief system. I don't feel that whether I pass/fail said tests will result in salvation/damnation, but I know that I'm being tested. I suspect the biggest reason for these tests is for me to prove myself to myself. The current test (which, by the way, I failed), I believe was there to prove to me that I had grown and risen above a certain behavior. And even though I failed said test, I have learned that said behavior no longer satisfies the need it once did, and I believe that if this test occurs again, I may pass it.
I don't feel judged by anyone but myself on this test, however. I don't feel that God is hanging His head in shame at my failure. Nor is he putting me on the damned list, or taking me off of the list to heaven. Because I don't believe in such things. I simply feel that I have failed myself, by slipping back into old behaviors that I knew damn well no longer worked for me.
But I still believe this test was intentionally orchestrated. By whom? Possibly by me. I ultimately believe that we create our own reality; so did I create this test for myself?
It's interesting--there have been several factors that have come into place over the past week or so that have made this test possible. I can look back and see it all coming together. Some of it was factors that are seemingly completely out of my control (people being in certain places at certain times and whatnot). There was definitely some intelligent design behind the whole thing. Was that me? Was that God? Was that the collective consciousness of the world? Who set up this test for me?
I'm still aggravated that I failed. I'm still dealing with after-effects, and may be for a few weeks. Dammit--I knew better.
But seriously, the larger issue: what intelligence is designing my reality? Is it an entity outside of myself, or is it my subconscious mind?