Paradox

So, I was talking to my good buddy Johnny last night.
And he asked me, point blank, why I don't do anything with my writing.
Because I don't. I have written, more or less, since I was 12 years old, and have always felt somewhat driven to do so. Hence the blogging. Clearly, I don't consider blogging serious writing (well, for me it's not, any way).
But so I was thinking about some of the things that block me from taking writing more seriously. And definitely, the biggest reason is fear of ridicule. I have never felt comfortable with other people reading any of my serious writing.
I took creative writing in high school, and after the first assignment when we were put in small groups, and had to write, and then read our writing aloud, I transferred out of that class.
But then, I was on the newspaper staff.
I can handle writing external things--about things that are outside of me. But anything that brushes even just a bit below the surface, I simply don't want other people to see--I don't even want to know what they think, because what if they don't like it?
Which is how I feel about me in general, not just about writing.

My Daily Tarot

The Magician card affirms that my alter ego today is the Imagineer or Director, whose superpower is a state-of-the-art design force. By bringing free will and intention together with natural principles, the creative process is transformed into a blueprint for success. The spell is cast, and I don't have to see it to believe it. As a creative wiz, I have what it takes: the presence of mind to do what I do best. I can apply or advance new ideas and entertain new possibilities with resourceful and inventive attention to detail. I lay it on the line. I set the stage for performing my own enterprising experiments to make it over and make it work. I leave it all behind so that I can simplify or renovate the formula. I read between the lines for tips and tricks to following conventional methods and guarding my reputation and my privacy.


"The spell is cast, and I don't have to see it to believe it..."
I believe this is pertaining to my finances. I will get them in order. I have already cast the spell, I just need to followthrough. "I lay it on the line. I set the stage for performing my own enterprising experiments to make it over and make it work."

And yesterday: The Ace of Pentacles card suggests that my power today lies in assets or seeds. I have everything I need to co-create my own reality. I have value and I matter. I am empowered to nurture and tend to my own garden of purpose. I bring new life into the world.

Seriously, it's not even worth reading.

I would like to make this a real blog. I really would. So far it hasn't happened. I'm not sure what to do with it, and thusly my attempts have failed.
I have considered making it a food blog, but I don't have a digital camera, nor do I cook often enough right now (stupid takeout!).
But I much prefer the idea of having a "real" blog than just one on myspace.
Blah.