I had the strangest dream...

I was married, and we had 5 kids together, but apparently I had been in some sort of depressive fugue for years, that I sort of "woke up" from.
And I didn't know my kids--my husband had been taking care of them by himself the whole time. I couldn't even remember the kids' names.
So I was trying to reconnect with my husband--I would try to hold his hand, and cuddle with him on the couch. I was trying to show him that I cared, and that I understood how hard his life must have been the past however many years, being basically a single father and having to take care of me doing whatever I was doing.

And he sort of responded, but was also fairly distant, and I knew that we both had an underlying fear that I would fall back into that depression.

He seemed like such a good guy. And he also seemed so overburdened. I felt horrible that I had done that to him, but so helpless about it.

We decided to renew our vows, and that day, there was something that caused the "wedding" not to start on time, so we were kind of waiting, and I saw him kissing another woman.
And I went over and yelled at them both, but then I started to realize that it must have been so hard for him to deal with it all, and it sort of makes sense that he would have to go elsewhere for emotional support and whatnot.

So then I started trying to figure out what I could do--should I leave him? But it's not like I could go out and get a job. Or should I just accept that he had this outside interest, but still maintain our relationship, in some capacity.
Obviously I couldn't take the kids, given that he was the only parent they'd really known.
And then I started thinking maybe it would be better if I committed suicide, and then he and she could get married and raise the kids, and it's not like I had been contributing to their lives any way.
But if I were to kill myself, where would I do it? I couldn't in the house, obviously, or one of the children might find me.
And I wouldn't want him to find me either.
And I was thinking about that when I woke up.

I find it interesting that I didn't really make an attempt to reconnect with the kids, only with my husband. And I felt very bonded to him, and very sad that he had to endure everything. And even more sad that I felt like he couldn't trust me enough to reconnect with me.

Any ideas what on earth this means?