Crushes are funny things. I've had hundreds in my life, and have several right now. But that's not to say that I'm boycrazy. For one, not all of my crushes are on boys. For two, I'd say only one of my crushes is romantic.
Once upon a time, I had a crush on a customer at work. I would literally go to work, a little excited because he might come in that night. Sure I'd be a little disappointed if he didn't come in, but my hope got me through the night, and odds were even better that I'd see him the next night.
One night I slipped him my number, and asked him to call me. And he did.
And we went out a couple of times. And I realized he simply wasn't what I hoped for.
I wasn't excited to see him at work any more. I missed the hope of seeing him.
And recently, there has a been a guy coming in who I simply adore. I get butterflies in my stomach every time he speaks.
The few conversations we've had have only increased my fascination, and I just want to know him better.
But maybe it's better to just be twitterpated with him at work. Maybe he's just a reason to have hope for the day. Is the hope of seeing him better than having him? How does one know?
Friday, August 17, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Paradox
So, I was talking to my good buddy Johnny last night.
And he asked me, point blank, why I don't do anything with my writing.
Because I don't. I have written, more or less, since I was 12 years old, and have always felt somewhat driven to do so. Hence the blogging. Clearly, I don't consider blogging serious writing (well, for me it's not, any way).
But so I was thinking about some of the things that block me from taking writing more seriously. And definitely, the biggest reason is fear of ridicule. I have never felt comfortable with other people reading any of my serious writing.
I took creative writing in high school, and after the first assignment when we were put in small groups, and had to write, and then read our writing aloud, I transferred out of that class.
But then, I was on the newspaper staff.
I can handle writing external things--about things that are outside of me. But anything that brushes even just a bit below the surface, I simply don't want other people to see--I don't even want to know what they think, because what if they don't like it?
Which is how I feel about me in general, not just about writing.
And he asked me, point blank, why I don't do anything with my writing.
Because I don't. I have written, more or less, since I was 12 years old, and have always felt somewhat driven to do so. Hence the blogging. Clearly, I don't consider blogging serious writing (well, for me it's not, any way).
But so I was thinking about some of the things that block me from taking writing more seriously. And definitely, the biggest reason is fear of ridicule. I have never felt comfortable with other people reading any of my serious writing.
I took creative writing in high school, and after the first assignment when we were put in small groups, and had to write, and then read our writing aloud, I transferred out of that class.
But then, I was on the newspaper staff.
I can handle writing external things--about things that are outside of me. But anything that brushes even just a bit below the surface, I simply don't want other people to see--I don't even want to know what they think, because what if they don't like it?
Which is how I feel about me in general, not just about writing.
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